Uncomfortable Christmas Family Traditions/Transcript
James: Well, thank you, everyone, for joining us for the 25th annual family Christmas Eve. Whitney: Yay! Natalie: Yes. James: Now, every Christmas, we have added a new family tradition, so we are quite excited about tonight. Natalie: Oh, that reminds me! It's 7:15; you know what that means. Everyone, take out your mistletoe and kiss the person sitting next to you. Mallory: Okay, don't mind if I do. Jason: Hey, uh, could we maybe skip the mistletoe tradition this year? James: What did you say? Jason: I mean, this was cute like twenty years ago, when half of us were little kids, but, I mean, we're full-grown adults now. Do you guys really feel comfortable kissing extended family members, or...? Mallory: Don't question tradition! Now, give your aunt Marjorie some sugar! Jason: No, no, no. Ew, ew, ew, no! James: Why are you making this so awkward, Jason? Jason: I'm making things awkward? What about aunt Marjorie? She's been staring at me creepily all night! Mallory: Also a tradition. Jason: No! Mallory: It is. Whitney: Jason, you jsut have to learn to accept things. Like this! James: See how sweet that is? Jason: Uh, yeah, it would be sweet if they weren't second cousins who suspiciously sit next to each other every Christmas Eve! James: So I would you would like it, if we had no traditions! Jason: No! No! I'm just saying it would be nice if we could consider cutting some of them. James: All right. I'm sorry, grandpa, but Jason doesn't want you to read the Christmas story this year!Matt: Oh. I understand. I'd rather Jason be comfortable than do the one thing a year that gives me joy and purpose. Jason: Oh, no, no, no, no, grandpa, you can read the Christmas story; that's a great tradition. James: That's the spirit. Go ahead, grandpa. Matt: Oh, I almost forgot. Tradition! Steven, come sit on grandpa's lap. (groans in agony) Jason: See, this is what I'm talking about! We're not five anymore. Full-grown adults should not be sitting on the elderly. Matt: Nonsense, it's tradition! Adam, get on up here. Ah! Jason: No, the poor man is in agony, guys! Matt: No, these are tears of joy! Come on, kids, there's plenty of room for everyone! Natalie: Okay! Mallory: Here comes Marjorie! Get ready for me! Matt: "'Twas the night before..." Jason: Grandpa? Grandpa! Oh my goodness, you guys, he's 97! Get off of him! Get off! (draws breath in shock) Our stupid traditions killed grandpa! Natalie: He died the way he wanted. Jason: I don't think his ideal death was being smothered by a thousand pounds of human flesh. James: At least we were all by his side. Jason: You were all on his face! Adam: You know, I bet grandpa would have survived, had Jason participated. Stephen: Yeah, Jason's selfish pride broke his heart. Jason: No, your fat bodies broke his spleen! James: All right, you want to get rid of some traditions? Then we will forego the giving of Christmas pajamas. Jason: Good! Those pajamas are ridiculous. James: And we will replace it with Christmas speedos! Category:Season 7